She’s vulnerable yet strong

She rises from the ashes like a phoenix reborn

She lets her wound open in hope of it bleeding her dry

She slits her wrists but keeps her smile intact

She lets the feelings of worthlessness set camp in her mind

She believes in monsters for she’s lived with them day and night

She looks for a ray of sunshine, but rushes to curtain the windows to suffocate it

She scribbles a death note on a tissue paper in a coffee house but flushes it down the drain

She lets in men, hoping this one wouldn’t be the same

She loves to look at the moon thinking of a peaceful life up there

She reads a book, but tears off the happy endings for she knows they’re a lie

She stares into nothingness in hope of feeling something again or not feeling anything at all

She overdoses on drugs to let the universe off the heavy load

She gathers courage to get off the bed and keep her numb feet on the ground

She walks up to the mirror but cannot lift her head for the tears keep it down

She’s scared of her dysthymia but doesn’t want to be treated

She feels like she’s in the wrong story even though it’s her own

She doesn’t avoid sharp objects, just keeps them close

She isn’t afraid of hitting the rock bed for the tranquility will bring solace

She wears red lipstick for it reminds her of bloodshed

She smokes in hoping of choking on the smoke

She hopes a good night’s sleep will turn into a good life’s sleep

She shows you pictures of herself with perfect captions and picturesque landscapes while she thinks of self- annihilation

She fights, not with the world but herself

She creates her own battlefield and her own armour

She’s a warrior for she wakes up each day and doesn’t give up

For a day will come when she won’t

-xx

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