Surface

You are the toxicity in my system , you are the gangrene slowly taking over my whole body and killing each bit of me , you are the very thing that made me reach the brimming surface with joy and you are the very thing that is making me resurface again , the only difference being that this time our relationship is like the dead sea ,where there is too much of salt that no form of life can be supported and everything floats . Similarly I’m floating on the surface with the help of the salinity you put in our relationship. The very things you appreciated once , you are regretting now . The same things that satisfied you  suddenly take a negative aspect today. The person you claimed to never be , is today’s you. I’m floating on the surface and simultaneously drowning. I’m at the shore and also in the deepest depths of the ocean. I am here , but I am there too!

You are the one who left with peace and left me in pieces, you are the same person who created a void in me , a hollowness that no thing is capable of filling. You were like slow poision , sweet at first but the very thing that proved to be fatal and put me in a horrid situation impossible of escape. There is no ointment that could heal the bullet holes in my soul. There is no escape from the web of deception you have created for me. We were not supposed to be met with collision but to be living in parallel universes , simply co-existing like every other thing . but today , the collision has caused me my happiness , my  emotional stability , my peace and above all , my dignity. I’m at the the pinnacle and I also stand at the nadir.

 

There was a time when I was ready to take bullets for you , catch grenades for you or even open fire , only to realise that behind the mask and the hidden identity of the person doing this , was you and I was being targeted every time. I gave you a home within me and you very conveniently demolished it with colossal wrecking balls leaving the memories and the promises under the debris , where they gave in .. where they ended their lives .  I loved you with every fibre in me and you kicked me right in the stomach making me grasp for air while I could barely breathe. You suffocated me to the point where my face turned purple, leisurely taking my life.I shielded you from the nefariously cynical world and you alleged me to be one of them . Your suffocating miasma of hopelessness caught me, entwined me but mine gave way to the petrichor of hope every other time. Until now , you’ve played the blame game too much and I have always given you advantage and along with that , the authority to subdue my thoughts in order to get the better of me.You kept using defence mechanisms in order to make your argument valid , and I kept taking it . But not anymore.  Somedays , I woke up with just one wish , for sleep to stay me with it for a little longer . The other days I woke up with the feeling of an apocalypse. While I was on the surface , floating on the salinity , I promised myself levitation, not because I forgive you , but because I release myself from the manacles.

I never realised your lethal toxicity until I felt the adrenaline burn in my bloodstream, untangled myself and escaped.

 

like a phoenix reborn

 

 

xx

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